My Struggle With Self Harm

 My Struggle With Self Harm

TW: might be disturbing for some people

I have this thing where I dig my fingers nails as hard as I can into my skin. I think it started when I got to high school, I was so anxious and overwhelmed all the time there. I just wanted something to distract me from how I was feeling, so I started the digging thing. Then a couple nights ago I relapsed and I did it again, I was so mad at myself because I was doing really well about that. But I just got the urge and I did it. It hurts, there's some stinging after and sometimes it leaves scars. But for those few seconds I can feel something other then how I was feeling, because I hated feeling anxious. Side note: there's some things that trigger this, my anxiety, a change in my routine, if someone raises their voice, if I feel like people are mad at me. That one especially makes me anxious and want to dig myself, when I feel like people are mad at me, or raise their voice at me or something like that. It makes me feel like I did something wrong, I can shut down when this happens, and it makes me nervous when I try to talk to people again. So yeah, it's not fun. But hopefully it will be awhile before it happens again, I would like to stop completely one day, but we'll see. I do it on my arms, legs, sometimes my face if it's really bad. I don't like doing it, I hope I can stop altogether. 

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