I’ll never love again

 I’ll never love again

Hey everyone! This is going to be kind of a dark fanfic, but I wanted to try writing something with a lot of angst. So I hope you enjoy! This is a Charlie and Nick Fanfic from Heartstopper. 

How do you even begin to grasp what happened. If there was something I could’ve done, anything to have helped him I would do it. But now it’s too late, I still can’t believe it happened. When I got the call I didn’t want to believe it was him, I knew Charlie was struggling. But I never thought it would lead to this, I haven’t slept in days. He’s all I think about, I just can’t deal with reality anymore. I miss him every single day, our friends are grieving too. I confided in them a lot through these past weeks. I keep flashing back to last conversation we had, Charlie seemed to be doing better. We were happy, we were in love, it was amazing. Then my world came crashing down with that one phone call. I was at home doing schoolwork, when my phone rings. “Excuse me are you Nick Nelson?” The operator said. “Yes, what is this about?” I asked. “I am so sorry Mr. Nelson, your boyfriend Charlie well he, he committed suicide.” I was stunned I couldn’t move. Then when it hit me I cried, I cried for hours. I had just lost my whole world. At the funeral his family and our friends we were all crying, my mum was crying. It’s been three weeks since Charlie died, and all I can think about now is the last day we spent together: “youre ridiculous, you are so crazy!” Charlie said to me laughing. God I miss that laugh. Then the very last thing we said to each other, replays in my mind every single day! “I love you so much!” “I love you too.” Now I’m crying again, I thought all my tears were gone but I was wrong. I’m not much of a singer, but I sang the only song I could think of to express my feelings. 

🎵I wish I could, I could’ve said goodbye

I would’ve said what I wanted to, maybe even cried for you. If I knew it would be the last time, I would’ve broke my heart in two. Trying to save a part of you. 

Don’t wanna feel another touch, don’t wanna start another fire. Don’t wanna know another kiss, no other name falling off my lips. Don’t wanna give my heart away to another stranger, or let another day begin, won’t even let the sunlight in. No I’ll never love again.🎵

I won’t ever love again, Charlie was the love of my life. I can’t ever be with anyone else, I know moving on is part of moving on. But I don’t want to move on, I want Charlie back 😭

The end

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