Relapse

 Relapse

A I Will Love You More Than Death One-shot

Kieran P.O.V.

I can't believe I had done this, I haven't cut in four years. Then suddenly I just got the urge, it was awful. Now I'm sitting on the bathroom floor, crying and bleeding. Feeling so disappointed in myself. But then I hear a soft knock on the door. "Kieran? Are you okay?" I hear someone say. I know immediately who it is, my guardian angel. My sweet girlfriend Emily. I can't let her see me like this, she'll be so upset with me. Maybe even be disgusted, why would she want me anyway? I'm just a sorry excuse for a human being, who's dad left him when he was six. Because I wasn't good enough, I'll never be good enough for anyone. The tears fall faster, and I grab the razor again. I make fresh cuts to my arms, feeling the blade slice through my pale skin. "Kieran? Can I come in?" Emily asks. I don't want her to come in, I can't let her see me. I don't wanna scare her, she doesn't deserve that. She doesn't deserve me, a broken shell of a guy. But then, I remember our conversation we had a few months ago. When I told about my dad leaving, and I showed her my scars. She didn't even flinch, she touched them with such love and care. Maybe, she wouldn't mind. I do really want to see her. I pull myself up, and open the door for her. "Kieran?! OMG, what happened?!" She said, putting her hands to her mouth. I knew she would be shocked. "I um, I-I." I couldn't even form words, I just crumbled to the floor sobbing. "Oh, babe." Emily said, as she put her arms around me. "Shh, shh, it's okay. I'm not mad." She said, as she petted my hair. "I'm, so-so-s-so, sorry." I said in between sobs. "It's okay, babe, I promise it's okay. I don't think any less of you, it's going to be okay." She said, still holding on to me. God I love her so much. "Can you look at me? Please?" She whispered, as she put her hands on my face. I slowly turn my head, and look up at her. Her greenish-gray eyes, looking at me with so much love and care. "I just felt the urge to cut, I couldn't control myself. I feel so hopeless." I said. She wiped my tears, and grabbed my arms. "This does not mean you are hopeless, you needed to feel something. I get it, I'll always be here for you. I can help you, if you ever feel the need to cut again." She said, as she kissed my forehead. She helped up, and took me back into the bathroom. "Here let's clean you up." She said. Emily cleaned up my cuts, put some disinfectant spray on them, and then covered my arms in bandages. And she kissed every one of them. "There all fixed up." She said, with a little smile. "I love you so much, I don't know what I'd do without you. My guardian angel." I said to her, as I pulled her close. "I love you too, it breaks my heart when I see you hurt yourself. But I know we can get through this, as long as we're together. No matter how long it takes." She said, as she kissed me. "Can we go lay down? I'm tired after all that crying." I said, feeling sleepy. "Of course my love." She said, as we went to my bed. "Easy babe, your arms are still tender." She said with care in her voice. "Thank you for always looking out for me, and thank you for helping me with my cuts." I said, as I snuggled into her. "Always my love, always." She said. "Get some sleep, I'll be here when you wake up." Emily said, as she kissed my forehead. "love you baby." I said, and I slowly drifted off to sleep. "love you too K." I heard her whisper, and place a soft kiss onto my hair. It was the best night sleep of my life.